Healing ModalitiesSelf-Love

Doing What’s Necessary Is The Greatest Self-Love


I’ll be the first person to tell you to do what you want. Follow your heart and lead from what feels good for you. I help people tap into a deeper understanding about themselves by connecting more with what aligns within them. Before getting there though, and in order to get to this next layer of connection we have to first step into doing what is necessary, and that most likely may not always align with what you “want”. Or what you think you want rather. This is the highest act of self-love.

When I first started exploring a path to healing I began identifying what really mattered to me. I got really clear on what I yearned for, and gained clarity understanding that what I desired most would only be achieved by doing things I may not always want to do.

What I want is a feeling, or feelings. I want experiences and vitality. I want to live in a space where wanting minute inauthentic things are insignificant because these big desires are always constantly filled. I want to be able to move and feel how amazing it is to live inside of my body. I want to share love and be love itself without being taken advantage of.

Getting to this point in my life hasn’t been easy. I’ve talked about it several times before that the healing process is straight misery, it’s going against the tide of your patterns in order to find a new current. Healing brings up old wounds and may in fact arise inside of you ones you never knew existed. We must go through it in order to get over it.

This mindset of getting stuck in what we “want” can be dangerous. No part of me “wants” to have to worry about what I eat. How much easier would it be to neglect the fact that what we eat directly correlates to how were able to show up and engage in the world. It would be SO much easier to decide to not care at all, (give zero fucks!) but I can’t because it doesn’t align with my higher purpose. What I “want” may be to curl into a ball and not get out of bed because that comfortable space keeps me feeling safe and sheltered. It’d be more compelling to do that if I didn’t know that staying stagnant means constricted movement and mobility.

Growing up my mom would always be on my case about cleaning my room. I mean what teenage girl doesn’t have a messy room? I never wanted to clean it, ever. But I always did.  Why did I actively choose to do something that I didn’t “want” to do? Because this action aligned with a greater desire, to spending time with friends, which wasn’t allowed until the room was clean. The same goes in the context of your own life.

YOU are now your own parent. Not everything we “want” will align with what is necessary at that time, but those times we act out of necessity are actually all opportunities inching us closer to getting what we say we would “DO ANYTHING!” to have. It may sound counter-intuitive, but truly to get to feeling how you want to feel you have to do things you may not want or like to do.

I stayed in a job because I knew that saving money would serve as a greater tool for me later.  I stopped eating certain foods because I knew it would put me closer to feeling better. I started moving more, even though it was painful at first, I could see a future benefit. I drink green juice even though I may not always want to make it because I know how amazing it makes me feel. I go to therapy and acupuncture and I meditate at least twice a week because these are all things that serve my larger wants, even if in the moment I’d rather watch an episode of New Girl or run away and escape to the mountains (which are both forms of self-care too), but different. We can’t always do exactly what we want in every moment, and if we do were missing out on what it is we’re really hungry for.

By identifying what it is you’re soul is craving, you will start to see these moments of necessity as opportunities rather than obligations. What you think you “want” in these moments won’t matter because the core of who you are is already aligned. What you truly want and what you need to get it are both already congruent. It may not always feel like congruency but it’s there.

Being your own parent is the greatest form of self-love. Think about why a great parent makes the decisions they do for their children, because of love. A parent tells the child to do what is necessary, like brush your teeth, clean you room, wash your face, etc because they love them and learning how to do those things are important key moments to setting up the foundations of understanding that necessities can and will work in your favor. Whether it feels that way at first or not.

Now you’re your own parent, what is necessary for you to do in order to get everything you really want?



If you want to learn how to do this process first hand you now have the limited opportunity to get access to my Self-Care program that I ran back in September as #septemberselfcare. This is about deepening your relationship with your yourself. You get access to 4 weekly videos that take you through the program, a bonus copy of my ebook Mind & Body Balancing, planning guides and a discount on any of my coaching programs. We go through what self-care truly is for your individuality and how to create a sustainable practice that works for you. This is not be missed – sign up here!!



“My whole idea and concept of what self-care is changed after participating in this program. The reflection homework really helps you being your own self-care practice. Everything Kari speaks of aligns 100% with my beliefs and the direction of my life. Just after one session I couldn’t wait to see what was going to unfold over the next 3. There were huge transformational shifts happening for me and this program was the springboard to help me move forward.  I cannot recommend this program enough!!

– Carrie

“I have had a significant amount of experience learning about self-care and this program  taught me so much more. Kari get’s it, she’s been through it and she’s both inspiring and kind. She encouraged me to do things I needed, but was resisting. And more importantly I started self-care rituals that were based on what worked for me. I highly recommend this program!”

– Alana


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